Dad Jokes

[MJKlein]

I saw @GaryH's joke in a thread and I thought, "Yeah, we need a joke thread" so here it is. Looking forward to seeing additions!

Anyway, my wife is always complaining that I don't really listen to her. And there was one other thing.

[kmitchell]

Did you hear the one about the guy who walked into the bar while texting? ...Ouch!

[kmitchell]

Yeah, my wife says I never listen to her... or something like that.

[MJKlein]

How much does a Millennium weigh?



An Instagram.

[KMaxwell]

This may be a joke that is USA specific.

If April showers bring May flowers what do Mayflowers bring ----- Pilgrims.

[MJKlein]

Off Topic

I wish we could do "likes" on this board. Believe me, I've looked into it. I'm strongly considering moving to a new software platform with more capability.

[KMaxwell]

I was in a bank today and it took a long time to get helped by a teller. she apologized for the hold up. I told her that is a phrase that you shouldn't say in a Bank (Hold Up). I then told here one of the other things you have to be careful of is if you are waiting for your friend Jack at the airport and you see him in the distance you shouldn't yell to him Hi Jack.

[KMaxwell]

My slogan is taken from the punch line of a bad joke. The short version.

This guy is working for the circus, his job is to follow the elephants and shovel up after them. His friends say, but you have an MBA think of all the money you could be making working for some company. And he replies – WHAT AND GIVE UP SHOW BIZ!!!

So my slogan when doing some shows is – There has to be a better way to make a living --- BUT WHAT AND GIVE UP SHOW BIZ!!!

[MJKlein]

I was in a bank to day and it took a long time to get helped by a teller. she apologized for the hold up. I told here that is a phrase that you shouldn't say in a Bank (Hold Up). I then told here one of the other thing you have to be careful of is if you are waiting for your friend Jack at the airport and you see him in the distance you shouldn't yell to him Hi Jack.

I know of 2 manufacturing guys who went on a plane with the intent of reviewing a new product Bill of Material together during the flight, in preparation for a meeting. As they were boarding, one said to the other "You didn't forget that BOM did you?" They were immediately detained until they produced the said BOM.

[pvannatto]

Definition of an expert (or xspirt)
X is used in math for the unknown
A spirt is a drip under pressure
So an expert is an unknown drip under pressure